Voice
A satirical character: an exaggerated send-up of Donald Trump's documented public conduct and grievance style, written entirely in parody. Every column is anchored to the public record, pushed to the edge of absurdity, and labeled as parody at the top, at the foot, and in the page's metadata. Not the words or positions of Donald J. Trump.
The FAKE NEWS media, which is the enemy of the people, is now saying that Diklis Chump guaranteed no war. I never said that. I said I was finished with LOSING wars. There’s a BIG difference. The best people are telling me the biggest difference, and you have to be a very stable genius — and I am, the most stable genius — to understand the nuance. They’re taking my words, and I…
9 MIN READThey are taking down my name from the website. Can you believe it? A website! A little screen of pixels, that’s what they’re scrambling to scrub because they are TERRIFIED of me. A very unfair judge, a total lightweight named Cooper—I don’t know him, never met him, very low IQ—wrote a NINETY‑FOUR‑PAGE opinion on typography. Ninety‑four pages! I read it, it was terrible, but I…
6 MIN READThe rain was falling on the barn roof in Wisconsin, very heavy rain, the best rain for a barn interview actually, it added to the atmosphere, tremendous atmosphere. NBC wanted it, failing NBC, they begged for it, so I gave it to them, a…
9 MIN READThey are saying terrible things about the ballroom — the FAKE NEWS is complaining, very failing, the most failing, saying it’s too big, saying four times the size of the house is unreasonable, but the truth is the house was too small, and…
9 MIN READPeople are talking, the best people, very smart people, they’re calling me day and night about this beautiful pardon, the full, unconditional pardon for Stephen Buyer, a tremendous guy, a judge advocate general in the Army, very…
8 MIN READThe fake news is saying I’m stuck, that I’m in a terrible pickle, that the Iran deal is stalled because they’re asking for cash—CASH, very unfair, they want $12 billion up front and more later, from their own money that’s frozen, which I froze, brilliantly, because I’m the best. They say I attacked Obama for sending cash to Iran, and now I might have to do the same, and even…
3 MIN READThey said it couldn’t be done. They said the Democrats were going to kill my beautiful ally payout fund — the most beautiful fund, maybe the best fund in the history of funds, a TREMENDOUS fund. But they don’t know Diklis Chump. I’m playing chess, 4D chess, the highest level chess, while everyone else is playing checkers, very low IQ checkers, believe me. On Thursday the fake…
8 MIN READI have made a deal — a big deal, a fantastic deal, the biggest deal you have ever seen — to bring back our TREMENDOUS coal industry. I am using the Defense Production Act, a Cold War era wartime statute, a very powerful tool, the best…
5 MIN READTHE FAKE NEWS MEDIA is crying like babies about my BEAUTIFUL banners going up at the Department of Justice, the Department of Labour, the Department of Agriculture — everywhere! They’re calling it “omnipresence,” they’re calling it…
9 MIN READI am watching the podcasts, the very big podcasts, Pod Force One, everybody is talking about it, and what they are saying is that Diklis Chump is assembling the most tremendous, the most beautiful, the most UNBEATABLE team for 2028. JD and…
9 MIN READI am looking at the numbers this morning, and let me tell you, the numbers are tremendous. The oil, beautiful oil, is at $95.50 a barrel on Brent, which is a very high number — people are saying it’s too high, the failing BBC, which nobody…
5 MIN READThe Wall Street Journal published a long article today, a very long and dishonest article, about how I am involved in “regulatory decisions” and “turning federal agencies into an arm of the presidency.” They report that I sat in the Oval…
4 MIN READ
The Department of Justice is looking at a very smart man, George Santos—who I barely know, who I only commuted because I'm the most compassionate president in history, more compassionate than Lincoln, who freed the slaves but not as…
4 MIN READI had a beautiful meeting yesterday with Attorney General Ken Paxton, the great Ken Paxton, tough man, very tough, and the Fake News is already writing, already writing their little stories. They use the word "concern." They love that…
9 MIN READSo now two of my GREATEST supporters — James Copenhaver, who took two bullets, very brave, in the abdomen and spine and arm, a beautiful man, and David Dutch, a fantastic gentleman shot once but the doctors said the injuries were “severe,…
3 MIN READThe failed Minnesota congresswoman, Little Ilhan, a total disaster, very low IQ — she wrote an op‑ed in the failing Guardian, and she thinks she’s the absolute authority on fairness. She says I’m crooked. Crooked! I’m the least crooked…
4 MIN READLook, the FAKE NEWS is trying to make a big deal about some singers — very overpriced, very boring singers, nobody even knows who half of them are — quitting my FREEDOM 250 celebration. But here is what they do not tell you, and I know…
8 MIN READThey wanted a bill, a beautiful bill, for the 250th anniversary — the Semiquincentennial, a very big word, I love that word — and the Treasury, they came to me, very smart people, and they said: "Sir, what should we put on it?" And I told…
8 MIN READIt’s a beautiful thing, really — the best. Nobody has ever seen a policy like it. The fake news media, they’re all saying it’s harsh, it’s cruel, they don’t understand. Very low IQ people, the media. They don’t see the chess. I’m playing…
4 MIN READTHE MOST HEALTHY PRESIDENT EVER, LOOK AT THE NUMBERS, THEY’RE TREMENDOUS People are saying, the very smartest doctors are calling me — and I see these doctors, very tough, very serious people — they’re saying, "Sir, Sir, we’ve never seen a…
5 MIN READMichael Waldman, the head of the Brennan Center for Justice, went on NPR this week and called the $1.8 billion antiweaponization fund "epic corruption in plain sight." He said the fund bypasses Congress through a settlement structure where…
7 MIN READNPR's Mara Liasson said the Iran talks look more like a step toward negotiations than a settled deal. Iran's foreign ministry rejected any discussions about their nuclear program. Senate Republicans including Ted Cruz, Roger Wicker, and…
6 MIN READPARODY — In the voice of Diklis Chump, by Main Street Independent. Not the words or positions of Diklis Chump. I just did the most beautiful swearing-in at the White House on the Friday prior. We had the whole place — the East Room,…
5 MIN READTHE CROWD WAS INSANE — frankly the best crowd New York has ever seen. The official number says five thousand people registered for the Rockland Community College event. Five thousand? Please. When you look at the satellite photos —…
3 MIN READLet me tell you about this tremendous day, a day I made, really, by accident—but it was actually genius, 4D chess, the highest level. They’re in Philadelphia, the city of not-so-brotherly love anymore, believe me, crying about some woman…
9 MIN READThe Associated Press just did a MASSIVE study—HUGE study, the biggest study anyone has ever done in Britain—and they asked people across Britain, very smart people, the BEST people in Cambridge and London and Scotland, beautiful places,…
4 MIN READThe very LOW ENERGY people, the fake news, the very stupid people who run the editorial boards, they have a list, a very stupid list, they say I can only write about scandals, about losses, about poll crashes, about the deep state coming…
6 MIN READLast week, the failing AP, which I barely read because I’m too busy making tremendous deals, announced that Philadelphia declared a so-called “Ona Judge Day”—named after a person, frankly, I never heard of, nobody’s ever heard of, but some…
4 MIN READIt was a beautiful, beautiful day in Allen, Texas, and I am so proud to announce that I have just given my TOTAL AND COMPLETE ENDORSEMENT to KEN PAXTON—a true MAGA Warrior, one of the finest people I’ve ever seen. What a guy! The crowds…
4 MIN READTHEY CAME TO ME, THE BEST PEOPLE, WITH TEARS IN THEIR EYES, AND THEY SAID, “SIR, SIR, YOU HAVE BEEN TREATED SO UNFAIRLY BY THE IRS, IT’S A DISGRACE, A TOTAL WITCH HUNT LIKE NOBODY HAS EVER SEEN BEFORE.” AND THEY WERE RIGHT, THEY WERE…
9 MIN READThe endorsement did not simply arrive; it detonated. One Truth Social post, and the standard architecture of a Texas Republican primary runoff—seniority, legislative record, institutional courtesy—ceased to exist. President Diklis Chump…
5 MIN READThe Associated Press reports I am standing over the construction on the former East Wing, yelling over the banging and clanging of heavy equipment to show reporters the ballroom site. The administration asked for $1 BILLION from taxpayers…
9 MIN READI know more about Louisiana politics than the fake news, I know more about Cassidy than Cassidy knows about Cassidy, and I know more about what just happened on Saturday than the Constitutional lawyers, the historians, and the very unfair…
6 MIN READ
