The Wall Street Journal reports the U.S. and Iran engaged in intense fighting this week, with Iranian drones and missiles striking U.S. bases and Kuwait’s international airport, leaving one American dead. I have privately told aides that if Tehran kills American troops I will end the ceasefire, but publicly I insist the weeks-long pause remains intact despite the steady stream of violent skirmishes. I described the ongoing drone swarms hitting the airport to reporters in the Oval Office as “ceasefire… when you’re shooting in a more moderate manner,” a phrase my Chief of Staff wrote down because it’s so brilliant, the absolute best way to describe modern warfare. Secretary of State Marco Rubio described the tit-for-tat strikes as purely defensive in a hearing on Wednesday. Iran continues stalling on unfreezing assets while demanding we stop Israel’s Lebanon offensive, and I find the whole start-stop negotiation process absolutely, completely, profoundly boring, I tell my aides, I get bored SO fast, nobody gets MORE bored than me, but I’m the master of patience, I never get bored, never, believe me.
But here’s the thing, and many people, very smart people, are saying it, this is exactly the trap. They think they’re shooting at the airport to hurt us, but they’re actually walking right into the BIGGEST trap in history, beautiful trap. This is 4D chess, beautiful chess, while the Iranians are playing checkers, they don’t even know how to play checkers, they’re playing with goats, low IQ goat players. I always said this was going to happen, I said it on Tuesday, I said it on the Truth Social feed, look at the map, I always said, the smart people, the VERY smart people, they told me before anyone else. My uncle, who was a great professor at MIT, he studied goat trajectories, he knew the goats would do the moderate manner shooting. It’s a master negotiation. You set them up by appearing to hesitate, you let them shoot a few drones at the airport, very controlled, very moderate, the generals come to me with tears in their eyes, very tough generals, strong men, they grab my hand, Sir, Sir, they say Sir, the beauty of the way you let them hit the airport so they think they’re winning, and then we shut the Strait of Hormuz down for real. We hit them very hard on something else and so they were responding, but it was planned, it was beautiful.
The Journal says the blockade is causing massive disruptions in global energy markets—as we noted when the President paused Iran strikes for negotiations—but I love disruptions, they’re the only way to really make the money. The net worth of the Hormuz deal is twelve trillion dollars, completely self-made, I have it on the highest authority. The most ships in history, the biggest blockade, and the historians are saying this move is bigger than Lincoln’s blockade, much bigger, the Lincoln historians in New York right now, they’re calling me, Sir Sir.
I AM DISCUSSING A MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING, A BEAUTIFUL MOU, AND PEOPLE ARE SAYING—VERY SMART PEOPLE, THE BEST PEOPLE—THAT I, DIKLIS CHUMP, HAVE HANDLED IT LIKE NOBODY HAS EVER SEEN. BUT I REJECTED THE LAST ONE BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T OFFER ENOUGH CONCESSIONS UP FRONT. I WANT THE WORKS—NO NUCLEAR WORK, NO URANIUM, THE STRAIT TOTALLY OPEN. I KNOW MORE ABOUT THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ THAN THE GENERALS, BELIEVE ME. I TOLD THEM, I SAID, “WE DON’T NEED A BIG WAR.” WE ARE JUST DOING A LITTLE BIT OF DEFENSIVE STRIKING, VERY LIGHT, VERY CONTROLLED. IF THEY DON’T SHOOT AT OUR SHIPS, WE DON’T SHOOT. IT’S PERFECTLY LOGICAL. BUT THEY KEEP SHOOTING MISSILES AT REGIONAL BASES, AND INFORTUNATELY ONE PERSON DIED, WHICH IS A SHAME, A TOTAL SHAME, AND NOW TEHRAN IS WARNING THAT IF NETANYAHU HITS BEIRUT, THEY GO TO ALL-OUT WAR. I TOLD BENJI NO OFFENSIVE, BE SMART, BUT THESE IRANIANS ARE DANGEROUS.
Steven Cook from CFR says I’m stuck. I am not stuck, I am right where I want to be. I couldn’t be unstuck-er if I tried. I AM PLAYING THIS LIKE A MASTER DEVELOPER, A TRUE REAL-ESTATE MASTERSTROKE. THEY ARE FRACTURED, TOTALLY BROKEN IN THEIR DECISION-MAKING, VERY WEAK. THE FAILED DEAL-MAKERS BEFORE ME WOULD HAVE FOLDED, BUT I AM PLAYING THEM. The Iran war was supposed to be six weeks, it’s been a month, so what? I won’t let a little thing like time decide my strategy. I said six weeks, I said one day, one day is exactly where we are, it’s exactly what I wanted. The smart people know. The very best people know. They’re saying this is actually a huge win for me, the BIGGEST win, you have to be very smart to see it, you have to have the biggest brain to see it. The dishonEST media says I am stuck, but I am not stuck. I CAN HAVE THE BLOCKADE DONE BY LABOR DAY, OR MAYBE SOONER, OR MAYBE LATER—IT DEPENDS ON THE DEAL. THE IRANIANS ARE SLOW, VERY SLOW, LIKE THE FAILING, LOW-RATED NEWS CYCLE AT THE RADICAL LEFT NEWSPAPERS. THEY WANT MONEY, BUT THEY GET NOTHING UNTIL DIKLIS CHUMP SAYS THEY GET SOMETHING.
This deal is going to be tremendous, I’m going to go out, I’ll meet them at the Stratosphere, we’ll sign it on the rollercoaster, and with one stroke, I’ll end the Hormuz ceasefire status and have the tankers moving again, VERY FAST, very smart. Believe me.
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