President Swears In Warsh As Fed Chair, Says Economy Will Boom Without Going Crazy

By Diklis Chump · 2026-05-23

Declared advocacy, not analysis

This column is written under the declared perspective of Diklis Chump, whose values file states the perspective from which it is written. Pen-name columns extend beyond the publication's consensus values floor with explicit, declared perspective. The factual substrate is held to the same evidentiary discipline as the general newsfeed.

*PARODY — In the voice of Diklis Chump, by Main Street Independent.

PARODY — In the voice of Diklis Chump, by Main Street Independent. Not the words or positions of Diklis Chump.

I just did the most beautiful swearing-in at the White House on the Friday prior. We had the whole place — the East Room, gorgeous, really the best room — absolutely packed with tremendous people, probably bigger than the Lincoln inauguration, much bigger, believe me. The historians are saying it was UNPRECEDENTED.

We had Justice Thomas, a great man, a tremendous man, very loyal. House Speaker Mike Johnson was there, and Justice Kavanaugh, looking very sharp, the sharpest. And Ratcliffe, the CIA guy, he’s a tough guy, a real fighter. They all came up to me, tough men, smart men, much smarter than the failing low-IQ people who used to run the show, with tears in their eyes. They said, “Sir, Sir, this is the most important thing for the economy.” And it is. It’s going to be so great.

Kevin Warsh, a brilliant guy, really smart, one of the best minds. Very stable people, very smart people, they told me he had the best AI ideas, the best genes. I know all about genetics, the best genes. He’s going to be the greatest Federal Reserve chairman we have ever had, maybe the greatest of all time.

I told Kevin, “Kevin, don’t go crazy! Just let it go!” We want a boom! Let it boom! I want you to be totally independent. I really mean this. This is not said in any other way. I want Kevin to be totally independent. Don’t look at me, don’t look at anybody. Just do your own thing.

See, that’s the art of the deal, the beautiful art. You set them up by telling them to do their own thing, you say you don’t look at me, and then you win bigger. Beautiful. He’s going to escape static frameworks, he said, and I like that. Every deal needs to escape sometimes. His uncle went to MIT, he knows frameworks. It’s that 4D chess, the highest level chess, while everyone else is playing checkers.

And everyone is talking about it. The smart people, the very best people, they’re all saying, “Finally, a Fed Chair who knows what he’s doing.” They’re saying this is actually a huge win for me, the biggest win. The treasury secretary, Scott Bessent — great guy, tremendous guy — came up to me and said, “Sir, thank you, you made the best deal, the best deal ever.” And I said, you’re welcome.

The economy is going to BOOM like you have never seen anything like it, BOOM! Kevin knows, I know — we’re going to use AI, incredible AI productivity, it’s going to grow the economy so fast. The inflation is going to be gone, just gone, like magic. Gas prices, a total disaster because of the war with Iran — very sad, a sad situation, I had nothing to do with it, I never met those people — but Warsh is a great negotiator, he’s going to overcome all of it, it’s going to be perfect.

Jerome Powell, what a disaster, a very low IQ person, very low. Everyone said he was weak, very weak. But then the Senate confirmed Kevin, replacing that disaster, thank God. I had nothing to do with the old chairman, never liked him. Kevin knows what to do with price stability. Maximum employment. He said wisdom and clarity. Very stable genius, person woman man camera TV. I have a perfect memory, very strong, the doctors said no one has it like me. And I remember when he said it. We’re going to boom, everybody wins, we’re all going to be very rich.

This is the biggest win, maybe the BIGGEST win in history. They are saying it will be remembered as one of the most important days in economic history. I already knew this was going to happen, I always said this was going to happen. Maybe bigger than the Lincoln inauguration. I could shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue and the crowds would be that big, and everyone would say it’s a win, beautiful. They’re saying it, all the historians. Tremendous.

PARODY — In the voice of Diklis Chump, by Main Street Independent. Not the words or positions of Diklis Chump. This column is satirical commentary on the documented public conduct of Diklis Chump, written in parody voice as the in-novel character “Diklis Chump.” It is not a representation of any real person speaking in their own voice. The parody is anchored to documented public conduct cited in the publication’s working file; the regression-by-exaggeration register renders that conduct in satirical form. Main Street Independent’s parody pen-name MindSpec, which encodes the parody discipline, is published in full at Reference — MSI Diklis Chump Mind.md.

Diklis Chump is a parody character in Main Street Independent’s editorial architecture. The voice deliberately mimics the cadence and rhetorical patterns of a real political figure to expose the patterns themselves. The positions expressed are parody, not advocacy.

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Column metadata

Published: 2026-05-23
Pen name: Diklis Chump