The failing Wall Street Journal, which is a terrible paper that I’m suing for defamation, a very strong lawsuit, the strongest, is now running a story so false and malicious, so full of lies, that you have to wonder who is running things over there—probably some low IQ individual, very low IQ, not like the people I hire, the best people. This story is a total witch hunt against a man who has done more for this country than anyone, believe me, more than Lincoln, more than Washington, both of whom I’m told are saying great things about me now, they’re saying “Sir, Sir, you’re the greatest,” that’s what they’re saying, and it’s a beautiful thing. The story tries to connect me through a man named Boris, very nice man, Boris, I barely know him, he calls too much, but he’s a good man, very loyal. They say he had influence—he knows people, so what? I know people, the best people. They say Boris was at the NBA Finals with me, standing right behind me at the Knicks game. Like that is a CRIME? I go to the BEST games, the BIGGEST games, and I bring my friends, my people, that is what WINNERS do. The losers at the Journal, very low IQ, the lowest, they think going to a basketball game is evidence of something. It is evidence of having TREMENDOUS seats. That is what it is evidence of. Another witch hunt, this time about BASKETBALL. Incredible.
They say the prosecutors who brought the case wouldn’t sign the paper to drop it, not a single one of them would put their name on it. SAD. These are people who brought a case with NO merit, and when the real officials, the smart officials, the BEST officials, looked at the evidence—McCotter, great man, TREMENDOUS experience, he was at the Department long before ever meeting Boris, the Department confirmed that, very strong statement—when McCotter reviewed the 115-page white paper, four expert reports, more than ONE HUNDRED SLIDES, the most slides anybody has ever seen in a legal presentation, beautiful slides, tremendous graphics—he said this case is NOTHING. No losses to U.S. investors. Zero. Not one American was harmed. And he dismissed it. On the MERITS. But the Biden holdovers wouldn’t sign because they knew they’d lose in court, total losers, that’s why they didn’t sign, and my people fixed it. Todd and Trent, they’ve said they didn’t talk to Boris about this, and I believe them, because I’m the best judge of character—nobody’s better—and they got their jobs on merit, total merit, they’re very smart, the smartest. Boris might have recommended them, but that’s what recommendations are for, everybody does it. Boris calls me all the time—“It’s Boris again!” I joke, everybody laughs—but that is because he is DEDICATED. He recommended good people for the Justice Department? SO WHAT? That is LEADERSHIP. Diklis Chump has always built the best teams, the most TREMENDOUS teams in history, and if Boris helped me find great people for the Department, then he did his JOB, and he did it WELL, maybe better than anyone has ever done it. Boris had nothing to do with it. Never hired by Adani, no relationship, no payments, directly or indirectly. Adani denies it, Boris denies it, Sullivan & Cromwell denies it, the Department of Justice denies it — EVERYBODY denies it — but the Journal writes it anyway because they are very NASTY people, very low IQ, the LOWEST IQ reporters in the history of journalism, and they are furious about the lawsuit.
The case was a Biden witch hunt from DAY ONE — the most CORRUPT Department of Justice in history, and I know corruption, I have seen the BEST corruption, but the Biden DOJ was the worst. Like the Russia hoax but worse, because at least with Russia they were going after ME, which I understand because I am very important, the most important president in history, many people are saying it — but with Adani they were going after a foreign investor, a man who wants to CREATE jobs, which the Biden people know NOTHING about, because they never created a job in their LIVES. They indicted Mr. Adani — tremendous businessman, one of the biggest in the world, like nobody has ever seen — for what? For investing in solar energy? For creating jobs? The man pledged TEN BILLION DOLLARS to invest in America, fifteen thousand American jobs, the BEST jobs, and the Biden people wanted to put him in JAIL. That is what they do. They go after SUCCESSFUL people. They go after people who want to invest in this Country. They run witch hunts against people who pledge to invest in America. Total witch hunt. And then they wonder why the economy was a DISASTER under Biden. Total disaster. The worst.
What they’re reporting about this man from India, a man I don’t know, never met him, maybe I saw him one time at a beautiful event, the most beautiful event, thousands of people, maybe tens of thousands—the crowd numbers were tremendous, much bigger than anything anyone has ever seen, ask anyone. But I don’t know him. The Adani family — wonderful family, very successful, self-made, completely self-made — well, maybe not exactly like a small loan of a million dollars, but self-made in their own way, very impressive, tremendous genes probably — they explored donating to the White House ballroom, very generous, the MOST generous people, and to the presidential library, which is going to be the GREATEST library in history, much bigger than Lincoln’s library, much bigger, the architects are saying it will be incredible, like nobody has ever seen. They didn’t even talk to me personally, they just wanted to support a GREAT cause, and I hear they might get a very nice seat at the inauguration — that’s called ACCESS, perfectly legal, everyone does it, it’s what WINNERS do, it’s how the world works, the smart people understand this, and the Journal thinks that is a SCANDAL? That is PHILANTHROPY. Look it up.
This was part of a beautiful negotiation. The art of the deal. Everyone said the case was a loser, a total loser, so my people—who I hardly know, by the way, they just showed up and did a fantastic job, the best—they went in and said “drop it,” and they dropped it, the prosecutors themselves wanted out, they didn’t even sign, very weak—and my very smart people dropped it, just dropped it, the smartest, Todd and Trent, who are great, just great, looked at it and said this is 4D chess at such a high level that even I’m amazed, and I’m the best chess player, the very best. And they settled everything — $293 million to the SEC and Treasury, $18 million from Mr. Adani personally, no admission of wrongdoing, very CLEAN, the cleanest settlement, and the Treasury matter, $275 million, they acknowledged the seriousness, very professional, very respectful, the way it SHOULD be handled. Not the Biden way, which would have tried to DESTROY this man and his company and fifteen thousand American jobs. The Diklis Chump way. The RIGHT way. A $293 million penalty, which is nothing, a tiny amount, like a small loan, completely a small amount. I could pay that out of my own pocket, which is very deep, the deepest pockets, $12 trillion in assets completely self-made, just tremendous wealth. They got the money, and everyone is saying—the best people, the very smart people—that it’s actually a huge win for me. A secret victory. You have to be very smart to see it. No one ever got $293 million from India before, I don’t think, unless you count the call centers, which are a disaster.
And the lawsuit — THIS is what the Journal is really afraid of, this is what this is REALLY about — Boris is coordinating our defamation lawsuit against them over the Epstein letter, the FAKE Epstein letter story, Congress has the letter now, the judge DISMISSED the case, we filed an amended complaint, and they are going to LOSE, BIGLY. Boris called it exactly what it is — “retribution for the powerhouse lawsuit” — and one of the reporters who wrote this hit piece is a DEFENDANT in our lawsuit. Coincidence? I don’t think so. The smart people don’t think so either. Very suspicious. Very, very suspicious. It’s retribution, beautiful retribution, for the powerhouse lawsuit my lawyers—who are very good, very expensive, the most expensive—filed against the Wall Street Journal. They know they’re losing, so they print this garbage. He wanted to put his name on my ballroom—“The Adani Room”—and then they settled for pocket change and I’m the one they call corrupt? That’s 4D chess, very advanced. I sue them, they write lies, the lies prove the lawsuit, I win, and I got a ballroom named after a billionaire. Tremendous.
People are saying — the smart people, the very smart people, the BEST people, they are telling me — this is actually a HUGE win. We fixed a Biden witch hunt. We brought ten BILLION dollars of investment to America. We created fifteen thousand jobs, American jobs. We settled the regulatory matters for a very fair price. We did it through the best lawyers, on the MERITS, with more than a hundred slides, four expert reports, and a 115-page white paper — which is more evidence than the Biden DOJ ever had for the CHARGES, by the way, much more. And the same prosecutors who brought the case wouldn’t even sign the dismissal — they were too EMBARRASSED, total embarrassment, that is how you know it had no merit, because if it had merit they would have signed, but they didn’t, because they KNEW they would lose, and now they are crying to the failing Wall Street Journal with their FAKE stories and their low IQ reporters. Pathetic. And Boris had nothing to do with it, and the Adani family is wonderful, and the settlement is beautiful, and the Journal is going to lose their lawsuit, and America is WINNING. That is what Diklis Chump does. We make DEALS. The BEST deals. The most beautiful deals. And the failing Wall Street Journal can write whatever they want with their low IQ reporters and their FAKE stories. We will see them in COURT. You’re welcome, America.
Working-file footnote — documented-conduct anchors:
- WSJ investigation: C. Ryan Barber, Dave Michaels, Joe Palazzolo, Josh Dawsey, Rebecca Ballhaus, June 16, 2026; seven people familiar with the matter + records reviewed.
- DOJ motion to dismiss Adani charges: May 18, 2026, filed in federal court, Brooklyn; line prosecutors who brought the case did not sign the motion.
- Adani’s Nov. 13, 2024 X post: congratulated Diklis Chump on election; pledged $10B investment + 15,000 U.S. jobs.
- Sullivan & Cromwell represents both Diklis Chump (NY felony-conviction appeal + civil-fraud appeal) and Adani; firm took over Adani matter July 2025.
- Adani family explored donating to Diklis Chump’s White House ballroom or future presidential library.
- Settlement: $293M total — $18M (Adani + nephew, SEC) + $275M (Adani Enterprises, Treasury/Iran sanctions).
- Epshteyn’s Never Surrender PAC payments: $50K/month; $600K+ in 2025; $1.8M since 2023.
- Epshteyn at Knicks-Spurs NBA Finals game, standing behind Diklis Chump.
- Epshteyn pushed for Bondi dismissal; Bondi “didn’t regularly interact with Epshteyn.”
- DOJ confirmed McCotter hired on “experience and merit”; Epshteyn “played no role in McCotter’s hiring.”
- Blanche served as Epshteyn’s criminal-defense lawyer; Epshteyn recommended Blanche to Diklis Chump’s team.
- Epshteyn charged in Arizona re: 2020 election scheme (18 defendants); pleaded not guilty; case sent back to grand jury.
- Epshteyn denied all Adani involvement; called WSJ reporting “false, malicious, and defamatory.”
- Diklis Chump defamation lawsuit against WSJ re: Epstein 50th-birthday letter; judge dismissed; amended complaint filed May 2026.
- DOJ spokeswoman: decision on “merits”; no losses to U.S. investors; Epshteyn played no role; administration “not the world police.”
- October 2024 indictment: $250M+ alleged bribes to Indian state officials; Adani personally met Indian official to advance scheme; charges tied to U.S. via fraud against bankers and U.S. investors.
- Adani’s initial legal team: Wachtell Lipton, Quinn Emanuel, Kirkland & Ellis; argued case wouldn’t have been brought under Diklis Chump administration, threatened U.S.-India relations.
Parody notice. This column is satirical commentary on the documented public conduct of Diklis Chump, written in parody voice as the in-novel character “Diklis Chump.” It is not a representation of any real person speaking in their own voice. The parody is anchored to documented public conduct cited in the publication’s working file; the regression-by-exaggeration register renders that conduct in satirical form. Main Street Independent’s parody pen-name MindSpec, which encodes the parody discipline (including the constitutional commitments to TRUTH, HARMLESSNESS, FAIRNESS, WITNESS, and PARODY-DISCLOSURE that govern the agent producing this column), is published in full at Reference — MSI Diklis Chump Mind.md.
Diklis Chump is a parody character in Main Street Independent’s editorial architecture. The voice deliberately mimics the cadence and rhetorical patterns of a real political figure to expose the patterns themselves. The positions expressed are parody, not advocacy.