Jessica Mann’s testimony at Harvey Weinstein’s rape retrial took a dramatic turn Thursday when defense attorneys produced a previously undisclosed note she wrote to herself two days after the alleged assault — a note that captured her inner conflict over an emotionally complicated relationship, and that the defense suggested undermined her account of rape.

The handwritten, journal-like missive, dated March 20, 2013, came after Mann had returned to Los Angeles from New York, where she says Weinstein forced himself on her. In it, she mused about budding feelings of attachment in a nonexclusive relationship with an unnamed man, questioned “the woulds and would nots” she had set for herself, and appealed for God’s guidance. She wrote nothing about having been raped.

Weinstein’s attorney, Teny Geragos, pointed to the absence of any reference to an assault. Mann, 40, testified that she had been “struggling with some of the decisions” she was making and “wanted a mutual and loving relationship.” She said the note reflected that “I was feeling very controlled.”

Under continued cross-examination, Mann said she felt “spacey,” and after a break told the judge she was “dissociated” and wasn’t hearing properly because of stress. Court ended about 45 minutes early. Mann is due back on the stand Friday for a fifth day.

The testimony marked the third time Mann has faced questions about the encounter. She first testified at Weinstein’s 2020 trial, which resulted in a conviction that was later overturned by a New York appeals court for reasons unrelated to her account. A second trial, held last year, ended with a deadlocked jury on the rape charge. Weinstein, 73, has maintained that everything between the two was consensual.

Mann, a hairstylist and actor, has acknowledged an on-again-off-again sexual relationship with Weinstein. She alleges it degenerated into rape in Manhattan in March 2013, and again months later in Beverly Hills, California. Weinstein has never been charged with a crime related to the California allegation. He has denied sexually assaulting anyone.

In testimony earlier this week, Mann told jurors, “He just treated me like he owned me.” On Wednesday, she said that despite the alleged rape, she loved “a part of him” because Weinstein could be kind and encouraging about her personal struggles and professional dreams. When Geragos pressed her on what she received from Weinstein, Mann replied, “It was the validation.”

Weinstein’s lawyers maintain that the relationship was supportive and that Mann benefited from associating with the Oscar-winning producer, only later accusing him after the #MeToo movement amplified allegations against him.

The Associated Press does not identify people who say they have been sexually assaulted unless they agree to be named, as Mann has done. The article was produced by Main Street Independent’s News Article Generator framework from the AP wire report.