Mental health experts and child psychologists are urging parents to have open, age-appropriate conversations with children about war as fighting involving the United States, Israel, Iran and its proxies continues to generate distressing images and news coverage, according to guidance compiled by Save the Children, the American Psychological Association and the National Child Traumatic Stress Network. Even indirect exposure to conflict can affect how children think, feel and behave, specialists say.
“Sometimes adults think if they don’t talk about something that is difficult, than it doesn’t exist. But we know that’s not the reality in children’s lives,” said Rebecca Smith, global head of child protection at Save the Children, an international aid and advocacy organization. “Ignoring or avoiding the topic of conflict can lead to children feeling lost, alone and scared. … It is essential to have open and honest conversations with children to help them process what is happening.”
Child development specialists recommend that adults begin by listening to what children already know, validate their feelings, limit news exposure for younger children and use age-calibrated language — with professionals noting that some children, particularly those in active conflict zones, have never known a time before war.
Child psychologists and development specialists are calling on parents to check in with their children, create space for age-appropriate conversations and correct misinformation as fighting involving the United States, Israel, Iran and its proxies generates widespread images and news coverage. Specialists affiliated with Save the Children, the American Psychological Association, the National Child Traumatic Stress Network and UNICEF all offered guidance for navigating discussions about war with children of varying ages.
Creating a safe space to listen
Experts recommend starting conversations by asking children what they already know rather than leading with information. Some children may not be aware that fighting has escalated in the Middle East; others may be more aware than their families realize and may be suppressing their emotions, according to the Associated Press report drawing on expert guidance.
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network says that adults who share their own feelings with children can convey personal beliefs and values about how to treat others. Experts caution against assuming what children are thinking or feeling, and advise that adults who encounter an unwilling child should remain patient and make clear they are available.
Child psychologist Nataliia Sosnovenko, who works with Voices of Children, a Ukrainian organization that provides psychological support and documents children’s experiences during the war with Russia, emphasized the importance of respecting a child’s decision not to speak.
“It is necessary to respect child’s ability to refuse communication, their ability not to talk or not to tell about something. Because they can have their own feelings, their own states, which they might not want to share,” Sosnovenko said, speaking in Ukrainian.
Age guides the conversation
The American Psychological Association recommends giving children basic, age-appropriate information about war and conflict and addressing upsetting images or headlines without providing detail that could unnecessarily increase anxiety. Ultimately, the APA says, parents know their children best.
Young children may not be able to distinguish between what they see on screens and events happening nearby. Children in the United States who frequently see conflict imagery on television or social media may need additional reassurance that they are safe, experts said. Families with relatives in the affected region may also need extra time to discuss the safety of those loved ones and the difficulty of uncertainty.
Older children are likely to understand war and its consequences and may have more questions, the APA says. Adults may want to focus on what is within a child’s control — such as supporting humanitarian efforts, staying informed and addressing misinformation.
UNICEF says it is acceptable for adults not to have all the answers.
In Lebanon, some families sought refuge in a school building after being displaced. Nora Ingdal, Save the Children’s Lebanon Country Director, described an exchange that illustrated the limits of what adults can promise.
“This one daughter was clinging to her mother and looking up to her mom and asking, ‘Mom, why are they fighting? Why are they attacking us?’ The mother looks at me, but has no answer. Then she’s asking, ‘When are we gonna go home?’ Again, the mom looked at me,” Ingdal said. “I said to her, ‘It’s all right to say that you don’t know, you cannot guarantee anything, but I’m here with you.’”
Limiting exposure, modeling responsibility
Experts say adults retain a responsibility to limit unnecessary news exposure, particularly for younger children. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network advises that the younger the child, the less exposure they should have. Some agencies recommend switching off the news entirely or limiting adult conversations about distressing events when children can hear.
Save the Children recommends that caregivers model responsible digital behavior, encourage children not to spread harmful or graphic content and remind them to think twice before sharing material that may be inaccurate or emotionally triggering.
Sosnovenko noted that children living in conflict zones face distinct challenges. Some have never known a time before war and have no capacity to disconnect from what is happening around them, she said. In those cases, professional psychological support may be necessary.
“During the war, the types of people who come to us have changed,” she said. “Thanks to the fact that the psychological culture of the population is improving, people began to understand that therapy is important. These days, help of a psychologist is needed by most people and children as well.”